If you’re about to go on a date, I’m going to suggest you don’t make too much of a big effort…
A client of man was rich and wanted to find love. He had an issue: were the women he dated there for him or for the lifestyle he could offer.
This man was handsome, very tall and honestly enjoyed going on lavish dates which felt “special”. He was a romantic and wanted to sweep the woman of his dreams of her feet from the first date- which always started with the ladies being collected by him in his big, expensive car.
After years of dating, not finding love and several sessions, he decided to change the style of the date- less flash with more opportunity for conversation and to feel for possible deeper connections. This worked for a short time but still he wondered if someone could just love him for being him.
Being well known in his field it was difficult to hide his wealth. We explored this more deeply including his own attachment to his wealth. He was self made and believed he wasn’t attached to his money and status. Over time we explored this, love and how he behaved on dates; progress but the lady of his dreams still hadn’t arrived.
It was time to shake things up. When I suggested he borrowed someone else’s small car for his next date, BINGO! He burst into a 10 minute verbal rant about how preposterous a 6 ft 5” man would look in a small car. He vented his outrage , went quiet and then sobbed.
The prospect of him looking ridiculous in the eyes of a woman he might love cut so deep, so quickly, he was able to immediately feel that deep down he honestly didn’t feel someone could love him for him. Instead of him being fully himself, he was making himself into the most attractive package he could, hiding his insecurity behind his money and so denying himself the deep love and connection he craved.
If you are looking for love, as much as you can, be yourself. Let someone experience you for who you are. Let’s explain why: being a version of yourself, even if it’s your best version, reduces the free flow of energy in your system. Without this free flow between your system and someone else’s, it will be difficult to establish how you genuinely feel within when you are with another. And if you don’t know how you really feel about yourself, it’s going to be very hard to know you really feel about anyone else.